Some strange job offers

In the past week, I’ve received three very unusual unsolicited job offers from Monster.

Now, I realize that a lot of companies advertise on Monster and even more of them troll the resumes that are there looking for candidates. Mostly, these are head-hunter types that send job offers in bulk.

These offers, however, caught my attention because they have absolutely nothing to do my skills or work experience. I’ve snipped the incriminating portions to protect the guilty.

The first one came from one of the local Nissan dealers. That’s right, a car dealership. (By the way, this one was received on the 28th.)

Congratulations! Based on your qualifications, we have selected you to interview with [removed] Nissan. My name is [removed] and I am the [removed] for [removed]. We currently have 5 sales associate positions available with [removed] located in [removed]. I would like for you to come in tomorrow Tuesday August 29th between 10:00am-5:00pm. Tomorrow is the last day for interviews. Please view information below if interested please email back with a good time to interview.

The second one appears to be a financial services firm. If they were offering to do my finances for free, that would have been great…but no, they were trying to recruit me. Sounds like a great company to work for if I were a financial planner or stock broker.

*[removed] *is a premier financial planning company with its clients’ interests at heart. Our philosophy: Investing. With a plan. focuses on the concept of providing our clients with comprehensive, individualized financial planning and long-standing, competitive, reliable investment products. We strive to provide the same supportive, personalized career opportunity for our financial advisors.

As the need for our special brand of financial planning services continues to grow, we are committed to continuing our expansion into new locations. With your background, I feel like you could be an excellent addition. Because we are committed to building our sales force with high-quality professionals, the core of *[removed]’s *long-standing success centers on its financial advisors.

At [removed], we enable you to develop your career into one that works with who you are and what you have to offer. We provide the means: the tools, processes, support systems and products to assist you in achieving the goals you have set for yourself and your growing business.

Finally, yesterday I received the third (and hopefully last!) such email. This one was from a national lawn care company.

SUMMARY: Provides service to residential or commercial customers by making timely lawn/landscape applications, diagnosing and correcting lawn/landscaping problems through service calls and other customer communications.

ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES: The essential duties and responsibilities are listed below. Other duties may be assigned.

  • Applies fertilizers and pesticides to lawns according to schedule, safety procedures, and label instructions.
  • Drives company vehicle to commercial customer location.
  • Responds on a timely basis to customer requests for telephone and in-person service calls.
  • Completes required production forms and customer instructions.
  • Assists in sales to current customers through contact on route and telemarketing.
  • Measures the lawn of potential customers to provide them with an accurate cost of [removed]’s lawncare service.
  • Performs a daily three-minute, 360 degree inspection of truck and equipment before taking the vehicle out on the road and upon return.
  • Completes production reports, new sales forms, customer invoice forms, daily vehicle inspection report, and cancel/skip notices as required daily.
  • Maintains vehicle and equipment through cleanliness, safety, and general maintenance.
  • Assists in maintaining cleanliness of facility.

It makes me wonder…just who do these companies have reviewing resumes?